I’ve already banged on about some of the words below, but you know what? — you haven’t stopped using them. I’m going to keep banging on until you do. I’d like to encourage you to add some of your own, in fact, so that we can over time generate a useful list of banned expressions that we can hand over to the authorities. I will, of course, have ultimate say about whether a word gets onto the wall of shame. No-one said this was a democracy.
Minimalistic
The word is ‘minimalist’. Don’t put -ic on the end of what’s already an adjective. Why would you do that? Why? Isn’t it a bit stupidalistic? As people on Twitter pointed out when I muttered about this before, there’s something especially dumbalistical and ironicalisticallynessish about making the word ‘minimalist’ longer.
Simplistic
This is actually a perfectly good word. The problem lies in denizens of the Internet habitually mis-using it. It does not mean a pleasingly focussed feature set, which might be a GOOD THING. ’Simplistic’ is a pejorative term meaning ‘excessively simplified’, and is therefore a BAD THING. You’re using the term perfectly wrongly, do you see? Well, do you?
Chillax
For Christ’s sake. There is no better way of making it clear that you’re an utter tool than by using this ‘word’. Just stop it. Even deploying it ironically is on a knife-edge, so don’t take the risk. Either say ‘relax’, or ‘chill’ (if you must). Or preferably bugger off back to your ‘crib’.
Functionality
What does this even mean? It’s used in sentences like ‘For a version 1.0, this software has impressive functionality, but…’, where it appears to indicate… it’s not total crap. If you’re reviewing something and you’ve used this word, try cutting out the sentence it appears in, and see if you’ve lost anything of value. Ten bucks says you haven’t.
Form factor
You don’t mean ‘form factor’, you mean ‘shape’. No, really, you do.
Piracy
As used in relation to software and TV shows and music and books. ‘Piracy’ sounds jaunty and daring and as if you’re doing something rather cool and dashing and should be played by Johnny Depp. You’re not — you’re being played by that fat, sweaty guy who hangs out round the back of the KFC and always looks like he’s just hurriedly re-done up his flies. You’re stealing. At least have the balls to acknowledge that and come up with some half-assed rationale.
Writer
Specifically when proceeded by the word ‘virus’. Listen up, you little ****ers, producing viruses is not ‘writing’. It’s ‘exuding’, as one might exude pus from a badly-infected sore occasioned by seedy sexual exploits powered by precisely the kind of knock-off Viagra you’re trying to peddle. Using some piece of software to exude crap that starts “eval(gzinflate (base64_decode (‘tVh7b9pYFv87I+” isn’t creation. It’s destruction, it’s a criminal waste of everyone’s time, and it’s ****ing annoying, so stop it for the love of God, before I call down upon you The Curse Of The Busy Man Who Does’t Have Time To Rebuild His Sodding Website Every Few Weeks, You Assholes.
Workflow
One irritating thing about this word is that I can’t think of a concise synonym, which usually proves a word is worthwhile. It’s still annoying, though, possibly because when people write about a piece of software ‘fitting into their workflow’, it seems their ‘workflow’ only ever involves writing blogs about software that may or may not fit into their ‘workflow’.
Curating
I go back and forth on this one, but currently it’s on the outs. You have not ‘curated’ a selection of links to interesting or cool things on the web. You’ve ‘chosen’ them. Actually, you’ve just ‘shared’ your bookmarks (and trust me, ‘sharing’ is in the bullpen for this list). Obviously some degree of choice has taken place — otherwise you’d have linked to absolutely everything, in which case you’d merely be the Internet, duplicated — but that does not put you on a par with someone who’s selected just three tea-cups from the entire history of domestic potteryware over the last five thousand years for a high-profile four-month exhibition at MOMA or the V&A. Here’s a deal – you can call yourself an Internet curator if you also wear a little bow-tie and a green cardigan all the time. And shave your head but grow a beard. Even if you’re a woman. Okay?
Momtrepeneur
I only learned this one recently. As a snappy term for the vogue for moms to roll up their sleeves and start micro-businesses specialising in decorative geegaws fashioned from recycled ballet shoes, or tiny pots of organic canapés for dogs, I guess it kind of works (though it seems a tad sexist and patronising). It’s still annoying, though, probably because it’s one of those arch little neologisms — ‘staycation’ is another — cooked up by slackers to legitimate writing endless screeds of unnecessary text about something zeitgeisty.
So — what are the words that cause your brain to seethe and make it impossible for you to chillax? I’m not talking about the obviously appalling collections of letters like ‘twitterverse’ or ‘whatever’ or ‘Russell Brand’, I mean the ones that make you want to start sharpening pointy sticks and hunting down the perpetrators with deadly intent…
The dangerous concern is that far too many of these horrific portmanteaus and corporate neologisms will usher in a new era of Newspeak. And that’d be doubleplusungood.
Actually I couldn’t agree more!
Must admit had to wipe a bit of puke from my laptop after my eyes had read the f***ing abomination that is ‘Momtrepeneur’ – still shuddering!
It’s very, very bad, isn’t it.
Don’t agree with Form Factor, but then I only ever see the word used to describe small computers with fiddly components (and typically) badly thought out layouts. It’s more specific than ‘a fiddly shape’.
Haven’t you broken your own rule, isn’t zeitgeisty slang?
I hope you don’t think I’m being a spoogewank, was just asking… :P
One must always ask. I’m letting ‘zeitgeisty’ live for now, unless you can think of a better adjective…
Phew… that is a hard one… how about ideological?
Don’t hate that one too much, I’m afraid… Possibly as am not exposed to it too often.
No, Michael, I meant ideological as a replacement for zeitgeisty, not sure if it is a good fit, however.
I’d vote you into power, solely on your promise to eradicate all the words on your list. (But as you’ve pointed out, this is not a democracy, so I guess I won’t even get a polling card.)
My bug-bear words:
-Amazeballs (You use it, I kill you.)
-”innit” (Especially when it’s used to punctuate sentences that are not even questions such as: “I went to the party and got off with Shannon, “innit”.)
-These are not technically invented words but I loathe the tabloid’s penchant for creating a name out of two celebrities who are currently dating, such as Brangelina, Speidi and Bennifer, like a sort of mutant offspring, hatched from a test tube. (And the fact that I know these names fills me with rage. Maybe I should just “chillax”.)
-On a side note, seeing as you’re talking about viruses, my boyfriend runs a Minecraft game server and he was hacked a few weeks back and everything was destroyed. As he makes a supplementary income from this, it meant his earnings were hit that week.
So he hunted the perpetrators down to five different countries, told them he was “coming for them”, found out who the weakest link was (a teenager running the hack from his back bedroom in the UK) and told his parents.
Needless to say, the hackers weren’t impressed that they had been traced. My boyfriend is no computer whizz but the trail of evidence they left was a joy to behold. So you know, if you want your virus-writers found and wiped off the face of the planet (ie grounded by their parents), then he’s your man.
I still haven’t encountered ‘amazeballs’ in the wild. I must just be lucky. The celeb mag hybrid name thing has to stop – you’re right.
And if my site goes down again I’ll be in touch about hiring your boyfriend :-)
If so, I may even give you a polling card when I come to power. It won’t do anything, but you can have one anyway.
Yay! My own polling card!
I have to throw in the words “totes” to go with “amazeballs”. I have to put up with it from the girlfriend’s sister, but it makes me cringe every time. It’s the verbal equivalent of nails dragged down a blackboard.
I also agree with Jan on “Literally”.
Can I please add “y’know”? Specifically when used by sportsmen/-women when interviewed for radio of television. I understand it being used to ask for confirmation that they’ve understood a point, but to be used as an instinctive reaction at the end of every sentence (almost as automatic as breathing) just makes them sound as though they are trying to convince themselves!
In addition, the word “Fuddle” (used in the office I work in to denote “A time when everyone brings in food, and we sit around our desks making ourselves fat(ter) in the name of team building) makes me want to scream.
Yep, you can have ‘totes’ – no question. And I’d never even (heard* of ‘fuddle’, but it makes me feel both angry and sad. That’s *definitely* in .
Iconic (one of those terms rendered meaninglessness by overuse)
Thusly (the dumb person’s “thus”)
Disconnect (as a noun)
etc.
All good :-)
Genius – Simply through overuse. You used to have to prove that some fundamental aspect of the universe is not as we thought it was, now you just have to make someone a cup of coffee.
Irregardless – I don’t understand how this mashup of “regardless” and… actually, I don’t know what the other word is, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.
Literally – misuse of this makes me literally quite cross, but figuratively makes me want to kill people.
This is perhaps stretching the definition of the assignment, but the appropriation of certain titles by self-described “artists”. In the same way I wouldn’t trust someone who’d just bought themselves a scalpel and started calling themselves a “surgeon” to have a go at my appendix, you’re not a “photographer”, you’re just someone with an expensive camera. Very old media of me, I know.
All depressingly good choices :-) And yes, you can have the last one, too. We just need a word for it… Or preferably not. People should stop doing it.
hi mike, my personal pet hate is the unnecessary use of the word ‘more’ to extend a sentence. for example…”it was more quicker” or “it was more bigger” – thanks for listening.
Ooh, that’s caused me actual physical pain. You’re right. They have to stop doing that.
I have a long-term loathing for portmanteau words which goes as far back as “Cassingle” but can still flare up upon an encounter with “Bookazine” or “Webinar”.
Plus misuse of the word “random”. Unless you’re using dice or a random number generator to determine the choices that led to it, whatever you are describing is almost certainly not random.
Christ – ‘bookazine’??? I hadn’t heard that one. I wish I still hadn’t.
‘very unique’ – how? It is either unique or it isn’t. It cannot be ‘very unique’. Stop that!
Oh dear God – did I type that? I can only apologise. I have brought great dishonour upon my tribe.
My apologies, it was not an accusation pointed at yourself just the world in general.
Mostly ‘business’ people using leverage as a verb, aaarrrggh!
‘Moving forward’- meaningless middle management/political twaddle. As in ‘we will utilise these lessons learned moving forward’. Where else were you thinking of moving. The trouble is this twatspeak is catching, spreading through any bureaucratic environment like the common cold.
True. And today’s toss-speak is tomorrow’ commonplace. We must man the barricades.
I personally think sarcasm killed the word ‘fine’. And the English word ‘Geyser’ irks me but it doesn’t make me froth at the mouth. Like this list – very valid points.
‘Geyser’ as in a plume of water, and not ‘geezer’ as in a rakish chap of possibly dodgy profession?
As in fountainous (there!) hot spring, yes. Geezer I rather like. Btw have you done a favorite word entry yet?
Ooh, no – I haven’t. Good idea :-)
A semi-serious one here: “ethnic”. As in “ethnic rugs” or “ethnic foods” (which recently I saw, emblazoned in its statutory orange, in a big Sainsbury’s). We all have an ethnicity (or, just as likely these days, a complicated melange of ethnic aspects) including white people. So it’s really a meaningless term in this context. But it’s used, essentially, to cover the artistic or culinary outputs of Africa and Asia (or more accurately anyone with brown skin) with attendant connotations of ‘primitive’ or ‘exotic.’ Which is not only insulting, it’s weirdly anachronistic, positing white European as a norm and defining anything else as an undistinguishable ‘other’. I thought we stopped doing that a hundred or so years ago?
Oh, and while I’m in the mood, here’s an ethnic example for you. “Naan bread”. It’s not “baguette bread” or “ciabatta bread” is it? It’s not even “chapatti bread”, so where, in the name of all that’s holy, did this tautological convention come from?!
Good call! And you’re absolutely right – it’s astonishing this is still happening. Puts me in mind of a classic exchange from FRIENDS… where Joey is talking about people in China eating Chinese food. Right, Chandler says: “Or as they call it, ‘food’.”
It flies under most people’s radars for its rank triteness & sheer ubiquity but a great word for consideration, derision, & then excision from common usage is “great”.
Just what isn’t great nowadays? Nothing, I think.
Originally, & correctly, Lincoln was a great man (distinguished & eminent for preserving the Union), Moby-Dick was the great beast (huge, bigger than your typical malevolent white cachalot), the Huns descended in great hordes (in numbers as uncountable as the sand grains of the Gobi), Jesus’ suffering was great (with the sins of the world even more excruciating than the nails), one waited a great (long) time for news via a Wells Fargo coach, a woman was great with child (preggers & showing), & grandfathers became great if they lived one more generation.
But in modern popular culture the word has taken a particularly nasty turn, substituting only for “really good”. Bud Light tastes great (as does cinnamon gum & Mom’s fishball casserole), Bob’s Autos has great deals on used Hyundai Excels, news anchors insist we have a great day, Chris Brown is really a great guy when you get to know him, a poultice of hot cow manure leaves your back feeling great, playing naked charades is great fun, kids have a great time at Disneyland even if their parents don’t . . . blah, blah, ad infinitum. Hell, even the weather’s great, but only when it’s sunny & warm.
Count how many times it’s used during a commercial break while watching your favorite TV show, if you have enough fingers. Listen to any sports analyst during half-time. Read any homespun blog where the blogger is blogging about any activity he/she recently undertook. Ah, you get it.
We’re just too caught-up, too on-the-go, to describe a thing as being “of good report” or “possessing unusual merit”, or even to modify it more simply with “praiseworthy” or “remarkable”. Too many syllables for a busy world. We’re speeding up & dumbing down. Convenience trumps everything.
Oh, I almost forgot, we’re also great “at” stuff now, too. Our nephew’s great at Call of Duty: Black Ops II. Your wife’s great at pole-dancing. And my friends IM me with: “u r gr8 @ waffling on abt nth”.
They’d be right. God I do go on.
I’m with you on this. And have re-read your other post more than once.
Some more words whose original, more specific meanings have largely evaporated out of properly written & spoken expression while their surging colloquial use diluted them to vapidity are “fantastic”, “tremendous”, “terrific”, & “awesome”.
Coincidently, or not coincidently, they all are generally interchangeable with “great”, now only describing a thing that is “really good”.
Not so good if you love the distinctions & subtleties of language. But it’s what you get in a capitalistic democracy (USA) where, during the twentieth century, the marketplace of popular culture had a controlling hand in the development of so many phenomena. And now the universally emergent social media have seized the baton, running even faster with it, only to foster the rise of plebeian gold-toothed rappers, soulless Paris-Hiltonesque celebrities, & glib, opinionated niche bloggers as our most influential neologists & tweakers of terms.
Bugger that, I reckon.
Well put.
Sorry I’m late to the party – I’ve only just found the blog.
Just wanted to add “winningest”, use of which really should be a capital crime. I’m actually quite disturbed the spell checker includes it!
Ah – I remember the first time I heard that: during baseball commentary about 18 years ago. Part of the fabric now, I’m afraid… ;-)